Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
