Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
