I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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