We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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