haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I have feelings that need drinking.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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