A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I love you. Go after that dick
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
