I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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