How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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