so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
