rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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