I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
