i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
