he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
