I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
