You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Randomize
