and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
