Kareoke will never be a sober sport
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
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