Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
