I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
