We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
