You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
