I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
they're like a gay fantastic four
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
