Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
