Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
