Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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