Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
