I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I forgot how hot balto sounded
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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