when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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