Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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