I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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