Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
