And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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