i may or may not be watching the land before time
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
