im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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