as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
