there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
