I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
