guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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