My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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