Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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