Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
