Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Randomize
