I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
