I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
