I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
