Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
