Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
