Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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