it wasn't lemon gatorade
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
