It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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