totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
