I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
