So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
