I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
