I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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