i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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