So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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